Hey,
Elly.
Jane shivered with goosebumps at the unexpected
abbreviation of her best friend’s name. In their friendship of ten years or so,
Jane had never seen anyone call Elizabeth Elly, including herself. ‘Elly’ was
just too cute a name to be used for the cool, cynical Elizabeth, Jane thought.
Eccentric El, maybe. The clearly teenage-male-written handwriting, uneven and
somewhat familiar, didn’t help either. The image of a boy calling her friend
‘Elly’, and her responding cheerfully was quite.. unnerving, yet interesting.
Who was this guy? Was this a love letter?
…because
I won't be able to see you in the face when I'm saying it to you. Elly, despite
all the time we have spent together and all the love we have given each other,
I think...I think..we should break up. I see no hope nor future in our
relationship anymore.
..No, a breakup letter. That made things even
more interesting. Jane had no idea how a private letter from a boy to Elizabeth
ended up along the bookshelves of her home, but she was sure she could get some
fun out of this. At any rate, many things happened in a close friendship; once Jane’s chemistry book, its cover thoroughly adorned with the name of her crush, ended up in
Elizabeth’s home. As Elizabeth was subtle enough to inform Jane by waving it in
front of the whole class, Jane had no intention of protecting her friend’s
privacy. So she kept on reading.
….the
image of you and Mitchell snuggling together…
Wow, ‘Elly’, some femme fatale! Jane gave an
internal hoot, excited for the newfound aspects of her old friend. However, she
was also beginning to feel bad for this guy. Mitchell? There were three
Mitchells she knew, but none of them made sense. She felt as if she were a
detective for the day, now pacing around the room.
…You
know what? To be frank now breaking up with you, all the accouterments I bought
you, the gems, food, restaurants, were actually fake. The time I told you that
you look fabulous in front of the movie theater, I was actually talking to the
Darth Vader statue.
Jane’s literature skills from English class
were kicking in. This guy sure is emotional, she observed. Although he intended
to hurt Elizabeth by writing these sudden confessions, he clearly failed to
notice that it instead showed how much he was clinging on to the remnants of
the relationship. It was quite pitiful, yet earnest. Jane now felt really bad
for the guy, and thought he deserved much better than Mitchell-snuggling
Elizabeth.
....Everyday
I told you "I love you". in the middle of sentences, but I would stop
and wonder whether I was convincing myself. I love myself the most. One cannot
love another, if he does not love himself. I love myself sincerely. So, the
fact that I was not sincere to you means that you were simply just not lovely
enough for me to love you. Believe me, I tried. Really hard. YOU made it
impossible. Have you ever tried to care about my interests? Do you know my
favorite car is a green Tico?
This paragraph was an extension of the last,
only more intense and detailed in self-justification, Jane analyzed. There was
no arguing that Jane was enjoying herself now, almost as much as she
sympathized. When was this written? Who could be this Tico-loving romantic nerd
of the century? The fact that he likes Ticos may actually have some effect in
narrowing candidates. The only reason Jane knew of the car was because her dad was
an enthusiast; she doubted there would be more than 5 people around Elizabeth
who knew the ancient model.
…You
never show any effort to tell me you love me. Have you ever loved me at all?
Well, I'm starting to doubt it. But then again, your answer to this question is
no longer important. You've lost your chance, and it's too late. Do you feel
the pain? The stabbing at your heart? Yeah, I'm feeling it too, only hundred
times worse. You should regret for not loving me as much you could've done. I
don't think you can find a better person than me. You have my words.
Then,
get lost, my sweetest but most painful memory.
The
letter had so much emotion that Jane felt as if she were peeking into something
that shouldn’t be witnessed. She felt embarrassed and fluttery, yet seized by
an urge to laugh out loud at the whole thing. Guilt and a sense of betrayal
permeated through her mind, and she was beginning to have worries about facing
Elizabeth the next day. When since did you have such an ardent relationship?,
Jane wondered. She could feel her face forming a weird expression. It was a
relief no one else was in the house.
Then she jumped at the sound of sudden door-opening.
Apparently, her dad had arrived from work while she was engulfed in the letter.
“Jane, your mother said she was going to be
late, so for dinner-What’s that?”
“Uh..”
Jane stared nervously at the crumpled
piece of paper in her hands and then at her dad, who was frowning in worry and
curiosity. Awkward silence ensued, until he started to walk her, right hand
stretched out. Jane started to blurt out explanations, but the letter slipped
into her dad’s hands.
“It’s not mine! It- it’s from some boy to my
friend Elizabeth, and somehow it got here. I think it’s supposed to be a
breakup letter, but it’s really corny and funny but I shouldn’t have read it
anyway- you shouldn’t read it either- and I think I want pizza for supper.”
Her recent guilt made its way directly into her
speech, and she freaked out even though there wasn’t really a reason to. However,
as she calmed down, Jane noticed that she wasn’t the only one who was freaking
out: her dad’s face was turning purplish as he read. He turned to her with a
devastated expression.
“Jane, did you read all of this?”
“I..didn’t really know what it was.. But yes, I
did.”
“You really shouldn’t have, you know. You
should have checked- and cared- it wasn’t right-“
He seemed to be trying to scold her, but he was
choking on his own words. Did fathers normally react like this in these
situations?
“I’m sorry, dad. I’ll make sure I apologize.”
“It’s fine. Now I’ll take care of this for you.”
He turned back and rushed out of the room with
the letter. Now Jane was really confused. She stood there for a moment, watching
the back of her father without a grasp of what to do. Why would he be so upset?
Sure, reading other’s letters was bad, but was there any reason he himself had
to take the letter? It was like he cared about the matter in a weird way, apart
from Jane or Elizabeth. Like he had an independent personal relationship with
the letter-
Then realization dawned on her; there was
another Elizabeth she knew
“No way.”
-Her
mother.
“Dad, did you write-“
“Jane, what are you talking about? Why would I
write such a letter to your friend? If you’re saying that just because my first
name is same with the sender’s, that might as well be a coinci-“
“I never said anything about the name, because
it wasn’t written on the letter. And not for my friend Elly, but another Elly,
dad! YOUR Elly!”
“Oh, Jane, I swear it’s not- no-“
“Come on, dad! Why would you not admit this? This
is a letter you wrote to mom about, what, 25 years ago, right?”
Jane was triumphant. It all made sense now. ‘Elly’, the familiar
handwriting, the green Tico, the slightly yellow envelope that was mistaken for
a vintage-style. Her father took a big gulp and opened his mouth to speak, but
no word was voiced. He only shook his head. She had never seen him so flustered
before.
“What?”
“…Because it’s just so embarrassing!”
He sighed and dryly ran his hands over his face
before continuing.
“It reminds me of how much of a loser I was,
and you’re my daughter, Jane. And for the record, this wasn’t sent. As I was
running to your mother’s house to deliver this letter, I tripped over a rain
puddle, wailed about love in the middle of the sidewalk right there, and
decided there was no way I could do without her no matter what. That’s just
about how pathetic I was. I have no idea how this got here.”
He made a pained grin. Jane also noticed that
her dad couldn’t keep his hands still, as if remembering his shameful past but being unable to
make amendments was causing him extreme distress. As for
Jane, she couldn’t help but giggle sporadically. The image of her parents young, foolish and infatuated with love was quite awkward and unimaginable, yet funny and
happy at the same time. But there was one more thing to be settled.
“What about the Mitchell guy?”
“Oh, it turned out that it was Elly’s- your
mother’s idea of.. flirting. In retrospect, she was being really immature.
Probably due to her popularity, I guess. Since I didn’t know what to do, I cut
contact with her for a month and suffered privately. She eventually got scared
it was going to end like that and apologized to me with tears on a rainy day. Then we made up.
If I had sent the letter, it would have been the real end of us.”
This time, Jane couldn’t help but enter a fit
of laughter. The story wasn’t very funny in itself, and things like that
happened in Jane’s school too. However, the fact that Jane’s practical, gentle
father and witty, smart mother were actually silly, passionate Ben and Elly made
it impossibly hilarious. Her dad’s red ears also contributed to the
pricelessness of the situation. She loved her parents so much. When she was
finally done laughing, she felt warm and genuinely hungry.
“Hey dad, I’ve changed my mind. Let’s have
pasta.”
Oh, and make sure we don’t go to “fake” restaurants with “coupons”! Jane added cheerfully, and Ben groaned.
+
It had been a long day at work for Elizabeth.
She tiptoed into the dark house, trying not to wake her family. She was making
her way through by grabbing at walls and bookshelves when she stepped on a
piece of paper. It was partially crumpled, and functioned like a banana peel in
a comic book, making her lose balance and fall on her tailbone. The sound wasn’t
big, but the impact was big enough to make one from tired to furious. Couldn’t
her family have been more cautious to keep the floor clean? They didn’t even
wait for her to come home before sleeping. She swore to rip up the freaking
thing-whatever it was-when she got to the bathroom.
But when she really got to the bathroom, she
couldn’t help but laugh in happy surprise. It was something she had been
looking for: the “breakup” letter from Ben. She didn’t get it directly from the
writer, but came across it at his house after they made up. It was fortuitous
chance. Ever since, she had kept the letter as a reminder of their teenage days
and how much he loved her. It helped her smile and keep warm on hard days,
before it disappeared and she got too busy to look for it. To find it on a
tired day like this certainly helped, at least enough to forget how much her
back hurt. She decided to forgive her husband and daughter for today; the Darth
Vader part was too ridiculous to hold a grudge.
